If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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