it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
