I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
