i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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