Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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