I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
