my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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