I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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