A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize