I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize