The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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