I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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