I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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