Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
