one might say we're banned from that church
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
