like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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