Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
