so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
