I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
