My first STD was from a foam party
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
