There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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