I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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