remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
