First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
