That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
