If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
