If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
