Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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