also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
