based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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