My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just google imaged poop.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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