Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
