Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
