didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
