I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
