She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
