I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
