Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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