I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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