My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
