Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
