I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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