tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
