I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
