Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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