If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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