Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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