this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
