and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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