You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
