so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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