This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
