If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm passing your future prison.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
