Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Rumble strips road head = magical
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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