it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
