her vagine was all disorganized.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
