The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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