My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
