So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
