In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
