Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
