So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
And then he peed in my hair
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