We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
