I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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