god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This is the high leading the old right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
