3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
