Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize