i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
