thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
