So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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