rhymes with "ouble enetration"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
