i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
