I'm going to rape someone's good day.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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