So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
